Dilapidated Definition

The occassional ranting of a dollfie addicted twit..

The purpose of this blog…

I have kind of let this blog fall to the wayside. I think I need to change that. It still will be the rantings of a doll crazed twit. More oft than not. But it will also now cover mental health issues.

In June of 2012. I was diagnosed with Major Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. A lot of what kicked this off was the break up of my last relationship. I spent some time in the hospital on two seperate occassions. While they tried to figure out how to keep me from wanting to leave this world behind. I’m not proud of how I’ve behaved in the last while. I have been seriously depressed. But we all fall down sometimes, and the path back up is rarely pretty. To all those who’ve stood beside me, called me, offered a kind ear. God bless you.

I didn’t realize how much losing my ex-girlfriend would hurt. I thought I was stronger than that. I thought wrong. It has hurt, I’ve been going down a very dark road ever since then. But sometimes in the pain we find ourselves. I’m happy to say there have been some positive changes in my life. I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight since the breakup. I’ve made some new and wonderful friends. Reconnected with a lot of my old friends. I’ve reopened myself to my artistic side. I’m due to graduate with my associate degree in two semesters. Then it’ll be off to get my BS in Pyschology. These are all positive changes in my life.

But I won’t lie.. It hasn’t been all giddy and happy. On the contrary. I fight sometimes so hard to get out of bed, sometimes it’s me fighting to fall asleep. I won’t say I don’t miss my ex. I do, everyday. People tell me it’s foolish to think we could ever make it work. Well probably, I don’t know. I can only say, I know I miss her. I’m working my way through the feelings and the time. If she was to contact me, I would tell her I’m sorry, there were things I did to contribute to the failure of our relationship. I pushed her too hard to fast. These are things I can’t take back. She wanted a casual relationship, I got very attached to her. Again something I can’t rewind. The last thing she told me was she wanted a fresh start. I haven’t spoken to her since, because of that reason. If she wanted a fresh start, then there isn’t a place for me in her life. But if she happens to stumble upon this post. If you want a fresh start between us. Then I’m willing to discuss that option. But I figure, she’s probably decided to move on. It’s probably best I do the same, but if there is a chance.. then if it’s God’s will.. then his will be done.

A lot of what I’ll post on this blog will be my endeavors to try and move forward. My struggles with depression and it’s cousin anxiety. But also a good heaping helping of Dollfie stuff. So bear with the odd post here.


October 11, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment